Deep Hidden Blessings of Growing Up Fatherless Not Many Actually Realize
Self-proven steps to turn the absence into holistic self-mastery, deep wisdom, and an authentic personal presence
Despite our many similarities, there’s one thing my mother and I can’t seem to agree on — my father’s desertion.
While she laments it as the worst tragedy of our lives, I hail it as our best blessing. She calls my POV ‘consolatory optimism’ — but I see it as a truth rooted in undeniable, real-life evidence.
Yes, the early years were challenging. Yes, separation trauma is real. Yes, life and society abused every chance to remind us of his absence…
But the apparent “curse” of my father’s desertion led me to an oasis of blessings — bearing fruits of early success, deep wisdom, and immense all-around growth.
It’s these blessings that I want to share with you — along with 15 nuanced suggestions to realize and harness them. My hope is to empower you and help you avoid the pitfalls I fell prey to. This is crucial because we see fatherlessness as a tragedy — which acts as a nocebo, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy!
The numbers make this all the more pressing. The US alone reportedly has over 12 million single mothers! While 34% of them are unmarried, 45% are divorced or deserted, and 1.7% are widowed.
Do the math, and that’s at least 4 million ‘illegitimate’ kids, 5.4 million father-separated ones, and over 200,000 paternal orphans. The U.S. Census Bureau reports an even higher number — 17.8 million children without a father in the home!
P.S. I hate having to use the term ‘illegitimate’ here, but the English lexicon seems to lack respectful alternatives. ‘Natural children’ comes the closest, but it isn’t as colloquial. I’d deeply appreciate any suggestions for finer alternatives.
I’m primarily addressing this article to adolescent fatherless boys. But I hope this will also…
- Reassure and validate fretful single mothers.
- Prove cathartic and nostalgic for fatherless now-fathers and now-husbands.
- Wrap fatherless girls in a brotherly hug — and awaken empathy in the (girl)friends, relatives, and peers of fatherless boys.
Most of all, I hope to reveal the vast ‘moreness’ hidden in the fatherlessness.